The greatest song of all time, RIGHT NOW...

...is "Clap and Cough" by Discount and there can be little or no debate. An awesome picked out drop-D clean channel guitar at the outset, breaking into something that's perilously close to pop punk and then right back to the quieter part but this time with rim-shots and some pretty kick ass 90s emo style lyrics. "We wave sometimes to pretend that nothing is changing, but you gone on and I've gone off to get lost and devastated..." I guess this part is the chorus, and its a winning combo!!! ITS TEN SECONDS LONG. It happens three times in the song (four if you count the intro which is vocal-free). Normally I'm opposed to repeating choruses lots of times, but the part is so damn short that its hard to get sick of it. And the last time it happens starts out drums free and ends rocking. Basically this song is a clinic in how to write a pop song. It goes intro/verse/chorus/verse/chorus/verse/MOSH IT UP BRIDGE/chorus and is over in 1:05. The huge guitars don't hurt, either, nor do the superfluous pick slides before each verse.

Tales of rock professionalism

I am in a band called HOWLING FANTODS and on July 14, 2010 we played a show. At JRs in South Philadelphia. We played with the Liarbirds. I have certain "moves" which I execute whilst rocking. My pal JOE and I game-planned before showtime, deciding that I should use the the LES CLAYPOOL STOMP PIVOT. (Skip ahead to 0:48.) I was warned not to get tangled up in my cables while doing this move. However, I did not use the LCSP even one time! Instead I used my signature move: THE DISCONNECTION NOTICE. Here's how it works. Jump and flail around like a maniac whilst playing. Make sure to get your feet involved with karate kicks! Jog in place if need be! Make sure to do this close to your "effects pedals", if you have any. Sufficient flailing will result in the disconnection of your patch chord from your pedals/amplifier/whatever. Having a too short coax will also help you achieve this AWESOME effect. What happens is that suddenly you are not making music, just crazy gestures. The move is finished by scrambling down on your knees to try and plug the d-mn thing back in. Looks *very* cool, and definitely gives the impression that you are totally FESH. People will think "that guy's so freaking rock that its not about the music-its about the seizure!!!" I flawlessly executed THE DISCONNECTION NOTICE about 12 times in our 11 song set. Afterward, the dude from Liarbirds told me that he could tell we were all "very talented." Ugh.

Show was kind of weird overall, despite my awesome moves. Two bands didn't show. It was MATT KELLEY'S birthday. He plays the bass in Fantods. He refused a shot offered by the show-runner, Steve. That is not fesh. That said, the Liarbirds were real good and did a bunch of covers, including something by Weird Al and a Ramones song. Their drummer hit like a ton of bricks. Yay!

Check, check...Is this thing on?

Hiya! I am this guy:
I've been a rock music nobody for almost 20 years now. I'm 35, have a serious job, a house, a wife and kid on the way. I have two firmly held beliefs. The first is that being in a band in your 30s is ridiculous. The second is that rock music is forever. So there.